goodbye

13 09 2012

It’s always sad to say goodbye to friends, even with a promise of seeing each other again soon. It’s even more devastating when you have to say goodbye for good.

Yesterday, a friend who was suffering from liver cancer joined our Creator. Partly, my heart breaks to learn of her passing away at such a very young age. But also, a part of me also feels this comfort and relief in knowing that she will hurt and suffer no more. We weren’t really close, but she was my bestfriend’s very good friend. And I know her enough to say without hesitation that she was one of the very few people with no “bad bone” in her body. She will truly be missed.

My deepest condolences go to the loved ones she left behind. May the Lord give all of you strength during this extremely trying time. My prayers are always with you.

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sad news.. :(

16 01 2012

My bestfriend and I had a quick talk yesterday. She let me know about a couple of our highschool batchmates who have recently been diagnosed with cancer. The first one has breast cancer (an assumption based on the type of surgery she said she was going to have), the other one was diagnosed with liver cancer. I was frozen with shock when I learned about the second cancer patient. Not only was she a highschool batchmate, she was also a friend.

Till now, I couldn’t seem to get over the shock of the news. I researched about the survival rate of liver cancer (my friend is already in stage 3), and all search results said one and the same thing: In general, the survival rate of liver cancer patients is very low, regardless of the stage. This is mainly because most liver cancers have accompanying diseases, like cirrhosis which in itself is fatal. *sigh*

I guess all we can do now is pray for them. And even if it is in these times that we question God’s divine plan for all of us, I still strongly believe in God’s goodness and power.. I still believe in miracles.





Chasing Pavements – my song of the day (^_^)

20 09 2011

artist: Adele

I’ve made up my mind,
Don’t need to think it over
If I’m wrong, I am right
Don’t need to look no further,
This ain’t lust
I know this is love
But, if I tell the world
I’ll never say enough
‘Cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do
If I end up with you

[Chorus]
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up
And fly around in circles
Waitin’ as my heart drops
And my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it

[Chorus]
Or should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasin’ pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep on chasin’ pavements
Should I just keep no chasin’ pavements
Ohh oh

[Chorus x2]





orphanage duty

13 09 2011

I have been on orphanage duty on weekends. I started last September 4, and so far, the experience has been extremely humbling. The kids range from 0 to 3 years old, with the exception of a 14-year old girl who has been with the orphanage since she was a baby. She has cerebral palsy and is confined to her bed. There were a total of 10 kids in the house when I started — Betsy (14), Julius (3), Martha (3), Jericho (3), Elijah (1), Angela (1), Berna (9mos), Anna (8mos), and the twins Francis and Clare (3mos). On my 3rd duty day, there was a new addition, Joy, who was a month old I think.

There’s no explanation to the feeling that I have everytime I enter the compound. As I enter the gate, I would see the 3-year olds peering out the window and calling out to me. They call me “Ate Nani” hehe.. They’re having a hard time pronouncing my name. But I’m growing to love the “pet name”.. Just thinking about it now makes me smile.

As expected, the kids were clingy and longing for attention, specially those who were 1 year old and up. They would really cling to you and would feel jealous if they notice you giving more attention to another. I became more attached to Elijah, though, since day 1. He was the same way with me. He would get excited when he sees me, and would hit anyone who would dare come near me. Haha! BUT, I have to control my emotions and my attachment. I cannot show favoritism when I’m with all of them. If they want to sit on my lap all at the same time, I tell them that they will need to have to take turns. They appear to understand the conditions at first.. Then when one kid sits on my lap, another one would do the same and they would start hitting each other. Hahaha! It’s a total chaos, believe me! But I manage and I enjoy every single bit of it.. That’s the best of it all. When they grow tired of me, or if I feel tired being their human monkey bar, I would put each of them down leaving kisses on their foreheads and encourage them to play with each other or with the toys around. Then I would just sit on a corner, sometimes with one or two babies in my arms, and just watch them. Many times I would find myself staring at them, amazed at the simple happiness that each of them have. Then I start to wonder how anybody can just abandon these little angels. How can anybody turn their backs on these innocent bundles of joy? It’s really saddening.. 😦

If only I was rich enough to adopt all of these kids, I really would. I can’t explain what they do to me.. I think they complete me. In all of my 32 years of existence, this is the first time that I have felt so happy and fulfilled. It’s like I have now found the inner peace that I have always longed for. Basta! The feeling is truly inexplicable. πŸ™‚

Now I can, with all honesty, say that life is good. And all the heartaches and disappointments that I had are now forgotten.. And should the good Lord decide to take me right now, I can say that I am ready. It’s funny how I have spent majority of my life searching high and low for happiness and self-fulfillment.. Only to find them, in less than a heartbeat, in the faces of these kids.





hangover

26 08 2011

I had a great time with friends last night. It has been a while since we last hung out and being with them was like a breath of fresh air!!! I have a terrible hangover now, though. My eyes hurt and just refuse to stay opened haha! I’m halfway through my 2nd can of Nescafe mocha drink. I can feel my tummy bloating, but my head’s still empty and hazy. It’s a good queasy feeling, though. Perhaps it’s because I really had a grand time that my mind’s willing to overlook the fact that I had one too many bottles to drink last night. *cheers* πŸ™‚





just saw one color of my rainbow!!!

23 08 2011

Yey! I think I just saw one color of my rainbow! I have just received an email informing me that I am a passer in the recently conducted certified PM process exam. Woohoo!!! That means I don’t have to retake the training sessions and the exam.. πŸ™‚ A big pat on the back for me! πŸ˜‰

So one color’s out.. I hope to see my full-blown “rainbow after the storm” real soon! Hehe..





when it rains, it STORMS!

20 08 2011

It has been one bad news after another for me.. I can’t even begin to tell you how utterly depressed I am.

All my friends say I deserve to be happy. Too bad fate doesn’t seem to think the same way. Either fate is all set up to oppose my idea of happiness, or I have a tendency to make the most foolish choices. *sigh*Β It really gets emotionally tiring at times to know that you always come prepared for the rain — umbrella and raincoat stowed away in your bag — only to find yourself caught in an “all-hell-broke-loose” storm.

Surely I have my own rainbow somewhere, right? I have to still believe that.. Otherwise, I’m not quite sure how to get on with what’s left of my life. 😦