homeward bound

21 02 2011

A very dear friend, Edwin “Jhed” Villanueva, passed away last February 16 at approximately 11:30AM. He was 37 years old, survived by his wife, Lani, and daughter, Leigh Anna.

For the past 5 days, I have been battling with myself if I should post something about his death or not. I have honestly been too distraught to even think about writing. I still feel lightheaded just thinking about the day when my officemate broke the news that he’s gone. It took me quite a while to really understand what she was saying. I heard her say “Wala na si Jhed“… But nothing really registered. I felt my heart racing, but my head just couldn’t — or refused to — understand anything. When I finally got my senses back, that’s when I broke down. And if I were to describe how it felt, it was like hitting a brick wall head-on. It was one of the worst days in my entire life.

I may not have been as close to Jhed as the others are, but we’ve had our own share of conversations. We had some things in common, like tastes in songs (we both liked the oldies) and interest/belief in the paranormal (spirits and such). He loved talking to people. His one-on-ones with his team members can last up to 3 hours! 🙂 And he was one of the most profound people I know. We didn’t always agree on certain things, but he has a way of making his arguments valid. And he was very very good at keeping his composure. I don’t even recall a time when he showed his anger or frustration over someone or something. He was a good person inside and out. And that is something that you can’t always immediately see or feel in someone.

In his last days, he always said that he was tired. The cancer has progressed to stage 4 in a matter of months.. And the chemo sessions and medications weren’t able to do anything to stop it. 😦 Deep inside, I always prayed for recovery and a longer life for him. But then again, when I saw how he was those last days, I knew it was time to be unselfish and pray for his pain to go away… Even if that meant losing him in the process.

Tears are good… It helps us to heal. Grieving is a very long process… But it shouldn’t stop us from living. Religion aside, I believe that life is just a circle. And no matter how big or small that circle is — no matter how near or far we are from reaching a full cycle, it all boils down to one thing.. We are always homeward bound.

So to Jhed, there are no goodbyes, my friend… I know we’ll see each other again. I, too, will be home soon. But until that day comes, know that you will never be forgotten.

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