13 09 2006

daddy.jpgDaddy… that’s how we call our grandfather. He passed away on the 4th of July, 1997. We had him cremated, and his ashes remained at home. It helped us cope with the loss coz we knew that although we cannot see or talk to him, he was there. And that gave us comfort. But last July 9, 2005, after much discussion by the entire family, we have decided to bury his ashes together with his parents and other siblings who have already passed away. It was a very difficult decision to make. Somehow it meant that we’re letting go. And perhaps we didn’t want to. Not just yet. I know it has been years now, but how do you really say goodbye to someone who has been with you almost all of your life? How do you say goodbye to someone you love with all your heart? How do you say goodbye to Daddy?

I will never ever forget Dad. I will forever be grateful to him for being a father to me more than anything else. When my father left for the states a few months before I was born, and after my mother left me when I was just a few months old, my grandparents were the ones who took care of me. My bond with them is so strong that I grew up believing that they were my parents. I was so devastated when he died. Having a number of strokes, he had been bed-ridden for a year or two (almost) before he was taken away. He reached his “second childhood” and became so difficult to handle… but we never gave up on him. We took care of him… gave him soft kisses and warm hugs every now and then. Everything about him, I remember so clearly. Even the day we felt he was almost ready to go. I was the first one to ever sense it. I felt it the moment I went into his room to check on him the way I normally do. The feeling I had then was so intense that I cried so hard and demanded that we had him admitted to the hospital. I just knew he only had, give or take, a few months to live.

I was able to convince my grandmother and aunt to bring him to the hospital on that same day. Almost a month passed before our family doctor finally said that there was nothing more the hospital can do for Dad. He said that professionally and personally, he recommends that he be discharged and have him live his last days in the place he loved the most… home. That’s what we did. Everyday, I would call the house from school to check how Dad was doing. I was so afraid to ask if he had passed so everytime I called home, I would just ask “Kamusta na?” and then I’d hold my breath and wait for the reply. Then July 4th came… I called as usual. And when my grandmother didn’t reply to my question, I just put down the phone, went back to class, gathered my things, and just left without even saying anything to my professor. That was the very first time I ever felt so lost. My friends stopped me from going home alone. Then my cousin paged me and said that they were going to pick me up at school. I waited. I cried. I was devastated beyond words.

I love Daddy so much. I will never ever forget him. He may be gone from this world physically, but he will forever live on in my heart.

 Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.
-George Eliot-




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